There is something quite magical about being in love when you are young. Life’s expectations and experiences haven’t had their opportunities to mold you into a more cautious version of yourself. When you are young you’re not as worried about being hurt. You are naively trusting and hopeful enough to throw caution to the wind.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I have the luxury of revisiting that young relationship I had through emails that I have saved. So I’ve decided to compile the “highlights” and share them with you. Hopefully this will take you on your own trip down memory lane, put a little grin on your face and make you a tad bit nostalgic for what was, what is, and what might have been.
A quick note before we dive in to the story, I have changed the names in the letters for reasons that will become obvious throughout. The excerpts are in chronological order and I have made a conscious decision not to narrate through any of them. They are what they are.
I will be posting these with daily installments. There is simply too much to sit down and read at one time. (Plus then I look like a prolific blogger). I think I have them separated into logical sections.
This first installment is about us reconnecting. I was 21, two months home after an LDS mission and a month out from having been excommunicated. He was 22 and wrapping up his undergraduate degree. Onto the story:
Tuesday Feb. 1, 2000:
Paul, hey there, it’s me Nate Currey. Remember me? Well, I just talked to
a friend of ours tonight and he told me that you were a student at CU.
So, since we haven’t talked in a really long time I guess i’ll get right to
the point. I’ve always wondered about it and wanted to talk to you when we
were back in high school. I was just way too shy around you. I’m wondering
if you are gay or not?
Please don’t be offended if you aren’t. I’m just interested because I am. I just barely told my family about it all and everything is really new for me. I’m pretty excited about everything.
I’m not a Mormon anymore, they kicked me out when they found out that I was
gay, so, that’s why I’m back at home now. I just got here about three weeks
I’m sure this email is really unexpected. Feel free to email me back.
I hope that everything is going well for you up in Boulder. I’m up there
all the time. Well, I need to run, it’s late. Take care!
Wednesday Feb. 2, 2000:
It is good to hear from you and I would like to get together some time and catch up a little. I remember our friend telling me about you in High School. I thought it was fairly ironic that our class president (weren’t you?) was and is gay. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I knew then, of course I kept it to my self. The way Chatfield was, you would have been lucky to survive a day being “out”. Well this brings up a lot of my past that I haven’t thought about in almost four years. I can’t believe that much time has passed by. However, one thing hasn’t changed for me, and that is my struggle with my self. This is something that I wish I had a good, clear answer for, but do not yet. Anyway, give me a call, or call my cell, and we can get together some time and chat. It is hard to get a hold of me, you can send me your number if you’d like as well. Take care.
Saturday Feb. 5, 2000
You are an extraordinary person. I hope you know that. I appreciate your mail that I read today. It made me smile.
First, I want to tell you that I really had an enjoyable evening last night. I wasn’t sure what to expect or even really what I wanted out of it, but I came home feeling great. I am really grateful that we spent the evening getting to know one another.
I think that the greatest thing that I learned about you last night is that bottom-line you have faith in your life. Regardless of how reconcilable issues may be in your life, I think it’s great that you still have a set of beliefs. I also think it’s great that we don’t agree on everything. That would make our conversations pretty boring.
I’ll close for now. I’m glad this is timing out now and not when we were in high school. Don’t ask me why, it just seems a lot better now.
Sunday Feb 6, 2000
Thursday Feb. 10, 2000
Well, here’s my first psycho letter to you. Sorry I was short with you on the phone. You know how cell phones are.
menya zavoot Nate.
Kak tebyaa zavoot?
Kak ti pashivaesh?
Enough of that, just a review so you wont forget by tomorrow. I hope you are having a great time at Bible study. I’m thinking of you.
Friday Feb. 11, 2000
Saturday Feb 12, 2000 (After I’ve arrived in Seattle for a trip)
Good morning. What a day yesterday. What a wonderful day. I can’t believe how much I love just being with you. You are really a special person to me already. I think that’s why I didn’t want to get on that flight yesterday.
with you than stay with someone I haven’t seen in 3 years. I’m so grateful for all of the things that make you unique.
Saturday Feb 12, 2000
Sunday Feb 13, 2000
I just got back from a “dateless wonder” party with my college group. It was a lot of fun. They are all trying to hook me up with one of the girls there and I told them that I already have an “interest”. I kept it at that though. Can you guess who that “interest” is? You better be able to.